Earlier this year, I found out I was asexual. It was in January when I found out. I remember emailing one of my best guy friends, complaining about how it was. Telling him I once believed myself to be lesbian years ago. He was accepting, albeit he didn't understand my non-acceptance of myself. I was disappointed, but I was ready to continue on with my life. Eventually I thought I had "turned back into a straight". But months later, May to be exact, I decided to delve into asexuality more. And it made sense! Suddenly my sexual orientation made so much sense to me, and I was thrilled to discover I wasn't alone!
But, at the same time, I realized that many people wouldn't want to accept me as I am. So I decided to keep it "Hush-hush", until I told my best friend ever about it.
I'll admit, even thinking about admitting my asexuality to someone felt like a threat to me. I was so worried that my best friend wouldn't accept me and that we'd eventually drift apart until our friendship would be gone with the wind (no pun intended).
Well, I finally told her I wasn't heterosexual. I was an asexual-bisexual (as I so labeled myself at the time). She was shocked, but she willingly accepted me as I was. And I can't thank her enough for that because I soon after opened up to many more friends about my asexuality, starting on June 6.
But now that I have confirmed that I am a bi-romantic asexual with my latest crush, I wonder whether I should tell my parents. After all, my siblings already know I'm asexual. Several of my friends know I'm a bi-romantic asexual.
At the same time, though, I'm worried about what would happen after I tell them the truth. Would they be devastated? Would they tell me on a constant basis that I'm just forcing myself to be something I'm not? Or will they accept me and simply tell me to embrace the Catholic Church's teachings?
It's hard to say. I want to tell them about my bi-romantic attractions, but I'm scared of their response. Because what if it doesn't end the way I want it to? The way I wish it would end?
I'm sure many of you have dealt with this struggle before. I'm certain I'm not alone in these feelings of being put aside just because of my differing, somewhat "taboo" sexuality. I'm certain many of you know how it is to want to open up, or to have already opened up to a loved one. So sharing my feelings about this, I feel, isn't preaching but rather stating a fact which everyone who is of a different orientation goes through (Unless your parents are gay or bisexual or the like. Then you probably never deal with that, although it's hard for me to tell. I'm pretty sure you deal with other sorts of problems).
On one side, it's good to come out of the closet to people you know and love. On another side, it can hurt you if you are abandoned and left alone afterwards just because you're different.
So, will I open up to my parents? Most likely. But I know that's going to be a difficult road to take. I know they'll be shocked to discover I'm not heterosexual. But I hope they can take it and accept the fact one step at a time.
God bless,
Ximena
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