Learning Patience isn't My Specialty

So I spoke with M last night. We chatted for several hours and I thought it was just amazing. This might sound cheesy, but I also told her I have a crush on a girl, which I have a tendency to tell my crushes (although I never told her who, exactly!). When I told her about it, she told me that she agreed with the priest I confessed to. And she afterwards told me to be careful because she cares about me (she's against gay marriage as well).

But when she told me that, I thought:

Oh, if you only knew!

You know, it's really a strange thought for me to have a crush on a girl. I've always felt some romantic attraction towards them, but I've never had a crush on one before. It's an interesting thing.

I also wanted to speak with another friend about it and began telling her a little bit about it. But she afterwards told me "I'm the wrong person you should tell about all of this." Y'see, she's for gay marriage; I'm not. But I just really, really wanted to chat with somebody about it. I mean, I don't freakin' care that I disagree with gay marriage! That doesn't mean I can't love a girl like I do right now!

The problem is that only certain people know about my crush on a girl. I want to tell someone else about my crush, but I'm worried that they'll get too concerned to the point they'll blab to my parents rather than let me come out to my parents myself.

I know that, last week, the priest told me to speak with my parish priest about my different sexual orientation. And I want to, but the only chance I'll get to talk with him is on Saturday when I regularly go to confession with him. But when you have a crush, whether on a guy or a girl, even a few days feels like forever! So it's hard for me to refrain from speaking to any of my friends about my crush and about my different sexual orientation. Not that it has ever been easy, but still. It's hard!

I know I should be learning patience with this issue, but I'm bad at learning patience. And like I said: when you have a crush, even a few days feels like forever. I can try, but it'll be a painful cross to bear. A truly painful one to bear.

I can't wait to speak with my parish priest about all of this!

Has this, or anything similar, ever happened to any of you?

God bless,

Ximena