Three Updates

Well, dear readers, there are many things concerning my sexual orientation which will be private for the time being, so therefore neither you nor anyone else will know about it. But I will tell you three things:

1) I will most probably "come out" to my parents in a few months. This is good news, indeed! I just hope my parents will react well and realize that, as an adult, I have to make my own responsible decisions regarding it.

2) I ask for prayers from all of you. Y'see, one of my girl friends asked me to go watch a movie with her; then have lunch afterwards. Now she knows about my same-sex attractions and is trying to help me out with it. But the thing is, while she's excited and thinking, "Yay! My friend and I are going to hang out!", I'm reminding myself constantly, "It's not a date. It's not a date. We're just two friends hanging out." So... prayers, please? To help me out in my struggle with same-sex attractions (SSA)? And thank you. :)

3) I think I'm finally over my crush on M. Thank God! I thought it'd never end! Now I'm just dealing with "Treat her like you treat your other friends". Dang. Tough after a crush, but okay.

Well, readers, that's all for now. I hope you have a great holiday today!

God bless,

Ximena

Worries about Force of Coming Out of the Closet

I spoke to a sibling of mine, T. I told T that I have a crush on a girl (T didn't know about it at all). But what did T tell me?

"oh i see. lol"

And I can't help but wonder if T's planning to tell our parents about my sexual orientation. Mostly because I asked T: "You won't tell our parents about it, will you?" T didn't answer.

I had been thinking about it earlier and, like the person I am, I thought of a worst-case scenario. I imagined my Mom waking me up in the middle of the night, telling me: "T told me you're not heterosexual." And I imagined myself repeating the word "freakin'" over and over in my response to her:

"Why do you freakin' care? I'm not a freakin' heterosexual. So freakin' what? I've known I'm not a freakin' hererosexual for five freakin' years. I just didn't freakin' open up to people about it till freakin' now..."

Yeah. Worst-case scenario. And that's really just me being bitchy in my mind. To be honest, it would run more along these lines:

"Mom, I've never told you this, but I'm not heterosexual. I never have been. I've tried and tried to make sure I was straight, but I'm not. And I'm not even homosexual."

"What are you then?" Mom gets curious.

I gulp. "I'm asexual." I pause. Then continue, "It means I experience a lack of sexual attraction. But I'm not exempt from romantic attractions."

"So you're still attracted to guys?"

I turn away. "I'd rather not talk about it."

Hours later, when I arrive home from work, Mom greets me with the words, "Your siblings told me you have a crush on a girl."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Why do you have a crush on a girl? You know it's a sin."

"I spoke with the priest, and he said it's not a sin."

"Where are you getting these ideas? Why do you think this is totally acceptable?"

That's when I show all available evidence from Catholic resources such as the group for Catholic LGBT (approved by Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI, and which Pope Francis approves of although indirectly), Courage.

It would run along those lines, albeit with lines from my Mom in which she protests that I somehow asked and chose to be homo-romantically attracted and probably a bit of fighting. She'd probably even call a local priest if it gets unbearable for her, and would have to discover through the priest that it's okay. (On second thought, what would happen is a worst-case scenario!)

But thinking of all of this, I wonder if I should've even told T about my crush on a girl, although indirectly implied. But, then again, if I had withheld it? I think I'd have felt bad to not speak with a Catholic who believes like I do about my feelings.

Although, what if T forces me to come out of the closet by spilling to our Mom that I'm probably lesbian (which isn't true, but T really believes I'm not asexual). I wonder if any of you deal with issues of siblings forcing you to come out? Or at least the worry about it?

God bless,

Ximena

P.S. I found out I have some readers here, although anonymous. I'd love to hear from you and learn about your experiences, whether you are of a different sexual orientation or are a family member/friend of one who is of a different sexual orientation! Feel free to shoot me an e-mail saying "Hi"! All messages will be kept confidential unless any of you request doing a guest post or would like to promote your own story using this blog. I hope to hear from you!

Understanding Asexuality At Its Core: Part 3 of 3

Warning: Sex is mentioned here, although not explicitly. You have been warned!

So, here I am again! Ready to finish up the Understanding Asexuality At Its Core trilogy (or whatever name they use for a three-part blog series...).

Q. Do people choose to be asexual?

A. Like other sexual orientations, Asexuality isn't a choice. Granted, some people believe asexuality can be a choice sometimes (I believe this way, for example). But many believe it is natural for all asexuals.

Q. What should I do or say if someone I love comes out as asexual to me?

A. First off: Don't panic! Really, please don't. Asexuality doesn't mean the one you love has changed. It simply means that the person has recognized that there is a name for what he/she has always felt. I strongly suggest that you don't question the person's asexuality unless the person actually wishes to discuss his or her asexuality. Many, many asexuals I know would rather not discuss it with others unless for promoting awareness of it (with me, I could talk about it all day long! But I'm not "everybody").

Be certain that you are understanding when someone comes out to you as asexual. It doesn't mean that the person's broken. It simply means that the person experiences no sexual attraction. Nothing to fear!

Q. Last, but not least, why are you guys raising awareness about Asexuality?

A. We raise asexual awareness because many times people are confused by asexuality. Even I was confused about asexuality when I first heard about it. And why? Because there wasn't much about asexuality. Because there's almost nobody answering these questions about asexuality and almost no resources for it. What we are trying to do by raising awareness is let the truth be heard about our sexuality. We are trying to instruct people about what asexuality is and replace the myths with the truths.

And what are some of the best ways to spread awareness? By coming out to somebody, speaking about your sexual orientation (even if just to a family member or a friend), creating a blog specifically about asexuality,... there are a million suggestions on asexual blogs and websites out there! And if you can come up with a way, even better! The more we spread awareness, the better!

If you need more resources, just google Asexual or check out the AVEN website for more info about asexuality and what it means to be asexual.

All right. Take care and God bless!

Ximena

On Coming Out to Parents

I often wonder what it'd be like to tell my parents "I'm not heterosexual. I'm not even homosexual. I'm actually asexual with bi-romantic tendencies." I wonder if they'd be shocked? Would they react the way my best friends and my siblings did? Or will they be quick to judge?

Earlier this year, I found out I was asexual. It was in January when I found out. I remember emailing one of my best guy friends, complaining about how it was. Telling him I once believed myself to be lesbian years ago. He was accepting, albeit he didn't understand my non-acceptance of myself. I was disappointed, but I was ready to continue on with my life. Eventually I thought I had "turned back into a straight". But months later, May to be exact, I decided to delve into asexuality more. And it made sense! Suddenly my sexual orientation made so much sense to me, and I was thrilled to discover I wasn't alone!

But, at the same time, I realized that many people wouldn't want to accept me as I am. So I decided to keep it "Hush-hush", until I told my best friend ever about it.

I'll admit, even thinking about admitting my asexuality to someone felt like a threat to me. I was so worried that my best friend wouldn't accept me and that we'd eventually drift apart until our friendship would be gone with the wind (no pun intended).

Well, I finally told her I wasn't heterosexual. I was an asexual-bisexual (as I so labeled myself at the time). She was shocked, but she willingly accepted me as I was. And I can't thank her enough for that because I soon after opened up to many more friends about my asexuality, starting on June 6.

But now that I have confirmed that I am a bi-romantic asexual with my latest crush, I wonder whether I should tell my parents. After all, my siblings already know I'm asexual. Several of my friends know I'm a bi-romantic asexual.

At the same time, though, I'm worried about what would happen after I tell them the truth. Would they be devastated? Would they tell me on a constant basis that I'm just forcing myself to be something I'm not? Or will they accept me and simply tell me to embrace the Catholic Church's teachings?

It's hard to say. I want to tell them about my bi-romantic attractions, but I'm scared of their response. Because what if it doesn't end the way I want it to? The way I wish it would end?

I'm sure many of you have dealt with this struggle before. I'm certain I'm not alone in these feelings of being put aside just because of my differing, somewhat "taboo" sexuality. I'm certain many of you know how it is to want to open up, or to have already opened up to a loved one. So sharing my feelings about this, I feel, isn't preaching but rather stating a fact which everyone who is of a different orientation goes through (Unless your parents are gay or bisexual or the like. Then you probably never deal with that, although it's hard for me to tell. I'm pretty sure you deal with other sorts of problems).

On one side, it's good to come out of the closet to people you know and love. On another side, it can hurt you if you are abandoned and left alone afterwards just because you're different.

So, will I open up to my parents? Most likely. But I know that's going to be a difficult road to take. I know they'll be shocked to discover I'm not heterosexual. But I hope they can take it and accept the fact one step at a time.

God bless,

Ximena