But hey! This is great news! One step towards my non-labeling process while admitting my same-sex attractions to someone. A humbling experience, to say the least!
A lot more has happened. I think I'm probably over (or at least almost over) my crush on M. That's great news, as well!
Right now I feel the need to get back in touch with my Catholic faith. Giving up my labels has made me feel free and actually joyful, to say the least. Searching the Catholic Church for answers has made me feel even more free and joyful. (Not saying everybody has to give up labels because I know some of you find it comforting.)
All the same, I guess even through my joyfulness, there is a sorrow hidden within me. There's that thought that I experience same-sex attractions, and I wish to finally give it up once and for all. I know I read somewhere that in some cases you can cure someone of homosexuality or cure them to a certain degree (I believe I am probably the second option, but I'm open to all possibilities). Although this is not the case with everyone who experiences same-sex attraction, the book further explained that some with same-sex attraction are, really, just confused about their sexuality. Therapy helps some see their sexuality clearer, and in some cases helps separate the same-sex attraction from the original opposite-sex attraction. I think this may be the case for me, that I'm just confused about my sexuality. Not necessarily does that mean that I'm heterosexual, or rather: One who experiences opposite-sex attractions. After all, I just might be homosexual, or rather: I just might predominantly experience same-sex attractions. However, I want to explore every single possibility about myself and accept the Church's loving and understanding arms.
In society, I have found people who are accepting and place labels in order to identify others. In the Church, I have found love and freedom. And I prefer love and freedom any day.
God bless,
Ximena
Hi, I came across your blog as I was searching about asexual and Catholicism. I hope this message get to reach you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, first of all, to be very open and honest about yourself. I could not imagine how hard it is for you, trying until now to uphold and follow Church rules and teachings, with knowing your sexual orientation.
Also, just some words of encouragement, as you placing your sexuality in God's hand and Catholic Church (as you have done already), please remember that you are not alone in the struggles of becoming the person God wants you to be. And, bearing in mind that all of us are called to be saints while we live here on earth, let's strive really hard to keep our mind to focus on God always, and 'offer it up' when it gets really tough.
As a friend told me, celebrate your sexuality as a female, to be a God's precious daughter, and live it up with joy and love from God in every aspect of our life. This is more important (although it's not as simple as it says), than confusing ourselves with other worldly things (or what the world would want to see).
My prayers are with you. God bless always!