But hey! This is great news! One step towards my non-labeling process while admitting my same-sex attractions to someone. A humbling experience, to say the least!
A lot more has happened. I think I'm probably over (or at least almost over) my crush on M. That's great news, as well!
Right now I feel the need to get back in touch with my Catholic faith. Giving up my labels has made me feel free and actually joyful, to say the least. Searching the Catholic Church for answers has made me feel even more free and joyful. (Not saying everybody has to give up labels because I know some of you find it comforting.)
All the same, I guess even through my joyfulness, there is a sorrow hidden within me. There's that thought that I experience same-sex attractions, and I wish to finally give it up once and for all. I know I read somewhere that in some cases you can cure someone of homosexuality or cure them to a certain degree (I believe I am probably the second option, but I'm open to all possibilities). Although this is not the case with everyone who experiences same-sex attraction, the book further explained that some with same-sex attraction are, really, just confused about their sexuality. Therapy helps some see their sexuality clearer, and in some cases helps separate the same-sex attraction from the original opposite-sex attraction. I think this may be the case for me, that I'm just confused about my sexuality. Not necessarily does that mean that I'm heterosexual, or rather: One who experiences opposite-sex attractions. After all, I just might be homosexual, or rather: I just might predominantly experience same-sex attractions. However, I want to explore every single possibility about myself and accept the Church's loving and understanding arms.
In society, I have found people who are accepting and place labels in order to identify others. In the Church, I have found love and freedom. And I prefer love and freedom any day.
God bless,
Ximena
