Also last night I dreamt that me and M went on a date (her Dad accompanied her because she's traditional like that). Afterwards, my family was excited about my going on a date, but they didn't know at all who I was going on a date with. So they naturally said, "I can't wait to hear all about him!" "You have to tell me all about him." yada yada yada.
I'll be honest: That last dream was tempting. And unrealistic. M will never like me the way I like her. And if she ever suspects that I'm considering dating her, she'd pull the reins on our friendship and tell us to seriously slow down right there. Not that I'll ever force her to date me or anything. If we ever eat out, we're just eating out as friends; not as a date nor as future girlfriends. I'll never try to harass her like that. She gets to choose her dates.
But, at the same time, I feel like that dream was so wrong. At first, before I even had such a dream, I thought that, "Oh, I haven't had a dream yet of M. I guess my crush on her is minimizing. Who knew?" Then last night I had the dream and now I think, "I thought my crush on her was diminishing!" Apparently not. I'm just pushing the thought of her away so I can do other things while I await her responses and such.
M is always on the back of my mind, no doubt about that. I still remember M in practically everything I do. But I don't allow her to be the main focus in my mind, else I'll go crazy with the thought of my liking her.
Something tells me, though, that my crush in her is going to last a while. That's okay. I'll wait.
God bless,
Ximena
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