A Dream about M

So yesterday somebody emailed me saying I shouldn't decide to completely label myself as asexual, and that I should wait a while. To be honest, I don't feel like I completely label myself as such. I'm open to sexual attraction, but I haven't felt it yet. And I seriously doubt I ever will. Especially since I have an incredible lack of interest in sexual activity in general. If I ever do experience sexual attraction, I'm sure it'll either be rare or light sexual attraction towards others (in other words, gray-ace).

Also last night I dreamt that me and M went on a date (her Dad accompanied her because she's traditional like that). Afterwards, my family was excited about my going on a date, but they didn't know at all who I was going on a date with. So they naturally said, "I can't wait to hear all about him!" "You have to tell me all about him." yada yada yada.

I'll be honest: That last dream was tempting. And unrealistic. M will never like me the way I like her. And if she ever suspects that I'm considering dating her, she'd pull the reins on our friendship and tell us to seriously slow down right there. Not that I'll ever force her to date me or anything. If we ever eat out, we're just eating out as friends; not as a date nor as future girlfriends. I'll never try to harass her like that. She gets to choose her dates.

But, at the same time, I feel like that dream was so wrong. At first, before I even had such a dream, I thought that, "Oh, I haven't had a dream yet of M. I guess my crush on her is minimizing. Who knew?" Then last night I had the dream and now I think, "I thought my crush on her was diminishing!" Apparently not. I'm just pushing the thought of her away so I can do other things while I await her responses and such.

M is always on the back of my mind, no doubt about that. I still remember M in practically everything I do. But I don't allow her to be the main focus in my mind, else I'll go crazy with the thought of my liking her.

Something tells me, though, that my crush in her is going to last a while. That's okay. I'll wait.

God bless,

Ximena

Lack of Sexual Attraction in Animals (Thoughts?)

I know it's pretty late for most of us right now. But I have been thinking about my dreams and hopes for the future. I was just watching a documentary about animals and have found myself adding another animal to my list of animals I must see someday. And it randomly reminded me of how there was a study made on a certain species of animal (can't remember the specific species though), where many of that species (roughly about 15% of them) were classified as having a lack of sexual attraction.

And now it makes me wonder if any animal species has an incredibly high lack of sexual attraction? Any thoughts?

God bless,

Ximena

P.S. This also reminds me of an issue mentioned in Understanding Asexuality where the author mentioned that a shark, who was a virgin, managed to reproduce asexually and have a baby without a male shark. Who knew?

A Random Thought: Asexual Humor

Today I randomly thought about how it'd be like to experience sexual attraction towards a girl. And it made me think, "What would I call myself afterwards?" Because, really, what would I consider myself after experiencing such an incident if it actually happened to me?

Would I still call myself asexual anyway? Or would I call myself gray-asexual? Or would a more appropriate label be "gray-sexual"? Or would "demisexual" be a better name simply because I most likely wouldn't experience sexual attraction except if deep emotional attachment to the person is involved? Would I afterwards have to consider calling myself homosexual? Or would I have to consider calling myself "bisexual", simply because of the fact that I just might experience sexual attraction towards a guy someday? Or would I have to consider naming myself "pansexual" because of not knowing if I'd turn out to be such?

Now thinking about it, my brain hurts. I'd rather not think about this unless it actually happens to me.

Sorry about this weird humor today. I have a strange mind today. (But don't I always?)